*Note:
No sleep, its late. I had no real intention for writing this. Pure rant. *
I always struggle with finding the right title for my blogs. It feels like “finding” the right title is the wrong way to go about naming these pieces of thought. Although the thought is purely abstract, there is a sense of concreteness that a title establishes.
Let me take you with me a couple years back. In the christian circles I use to associate with at the time, they were obsessed with learning the meaning behind names, of course before I joined them I knew about these name-baring-symbols thing, so I didn’t find it all too exciting, but was shocked by the newness of their discovery. Don’t get me wrong, they were great people. When the names were defined, there seemed to be an air for finding a reason to envy that biblical person rather then celebrate the fact that there was a profound destiny transformation. I learned that people live out their names whilst ignorant of the meaning ascribed to it.
I see my name as a title my parents bestowed upon me; I merely inherited the meaning ascribed by the patron that defined himself. He must have done something in the abstract world to send ripples through the law of cause and effect that somewhere down the line compelled my parents to name me so.
I’m trying to name this thought, this text, this word, this series of neurones firing, this image of shapelessness.
The objective of this writing was to merely detail my struggle to find a suitable title for a blog I intended to write. So, rather than finding a title, I’ll observe what this thought fleshed out:
- Names have meaning
- Meaning is ascribed
- People are nameless until they do something
- A profound character is condensed into a name that bears the symbol
- This whole thing is just a thought
- This thought is not new
- People are named after people
- Things are named after people
How did writing this down make me feel?
- I had fun
- Felt like I just wasted my time
- I feel like no one will read this, but who cares?
- I did no research so I feel like this is just pure crap
- Critiquing every little thing
- unfulfilled
- I like writing
I also think I’ve found the title, correction, I believe it found me. There is a few moving parts in this thought, and the thought is a bit wordy, and airy-fairy like, but nonetheless I think it finally came to me. But of course, now many possible names have come to me; white noise, noise, random, thoughtless, junk, the act of writing, the act of creating, the act of thinking, the act of thought, just thoughts, thoughts…
There is a sense of adventure in hearing for the title in the wind of these thoughts. For the most part of my day I’m alone, since I lost my job, and all I have these days are my thoughts.
I engage in conversation only after someone has set the foundation. Normally I’d just talk about what I think about all day (personal development), but it really seems like people get so stuck up their ass that they think I’m judging them indirectly. So, they choose to ignore me or change the topic completely. I digress.
I lost my job, I have my thoughts, and I’m struggling to just merely think of a title for the actual blog I want to write. I do want to write a motivational blog but this seems to be the junk I’m currently spewing.
This just struck a cord! What if subconsciously I’ve been dealing with a title issue? What if subconsciously I’ve been giving myself a lesser role in the Play of my life that I’ve delegated useless tasks to my character and am stuck? What if the current me was trapped in a persona in my work place, along with the attitude of working a mundane job, that is now rising to the surface in the lime light of stressing out because I don’t have a job? What if my stress is more associated to not having a title and less with not having money to pay my bills? Now that I have all the time to be a title-less character and just remain with the only one that seems to not matter: my name.
I, see.
Perhaps the biblical characters were trapped in their name fate but the new name gave them a new set of rules to live by. Perhaps losing my title enabled me to see the title trap. Perhaps letting go of my entitled-to-my-title mentality will let my mind be free to explore, never peak, and simply be. I can climb plateau after plateau. I can acquire titles rather than pin them on. I can creatively craft titles rather than splinter my mind trying to remain true to the virtue of whatever title my mind tries to build off of. I can observe what category my thoughts, actions, and emotions are under, and work to understanding them, which ultimately means, gaining a deeper insight into myself and the world around me.
Now I’m not feeling like this was a total waste of time, I appreciate just spewing, but this seems to have been a constructive spewing. In fact I wanted to write about focusing on goals but this was way more fun, and personally rewarding.
Whats in a title? What is a title? Why am I so caught up with titles? What have I learned while I struggled to create a title?
First. I think that there are responsibilities associated with a title.
Second. I think a title is an honour to have, and one ought to take it with a sense of pride.
Third. I think I need to define myself outside of the titles given to me. I think I learned that I need to let my mind grow outside of titles, to not be formed by the box that title puts around me.
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