I was abused, deceived, and abandoned by someone I thought I knew, though this is not a cry for help for I have received the help I needed and have come to a new chapter in my life, this is a short account of what has happened, and I hope that those of you who resonate with this find hope, encouragement, and strength to face your own battles.
He was a powerful foe, an adversary like no other, and he nearly ended all that was good in my life. He spoke eloquently of dreams, and character, and life, but after two years he has nothing to show for it. His weapon of choice was his ill will, though unconscious at times of his actions, they were potent, and his eye fixed like a hungry dog muting out reason, he attacked. Impulsive, addicted, scrambling for his next fix, attached to no substance ready to let go of all his commitments to obtain his drug of choice. He was ready to do anything, dangerous, out of character, outside the frame of his mind, thus that was the last straw for those around him. Finally in one stroke he found himself looking in the face of reality, it was all too painful, and it was all too messy. He got very angry, but he was alone, and no one was there to hear his BOUTS OF RAGE, DENIAL, and JUSTIFICATION, for he converted all his resources as tinder to burn every bridge behind him.
All I could do was watch. The damage was done. My voice, silent. The help around me was excellent but I needed more than that. I have no physical injuries, only the actions ingrained in their (family, mentors, friend’s) minds were enough to mark me.
He had set the Standard for failure and he was willing to do anything to obtain it. What a fool, what a mindless animal, I wish I could have stopped him before the damage was done. He can hardly write now, he has lost his passion and his way in the realm of words. But even more so, he marked his head as a target, not to be sought after, but to be despised. He has killed his character, and by doing so he has killed me. For the greatest enemy I’ve ever faced was myself. And I am deeply burdened by the weight of the consequences of my actions. However, in the midst of the dead marshes there is hope. I was not alone in the fight but I was alone in my world. I was not alone in my struggle but I was in my problem. All that could be done was like helpless onlookers watching the pieces of me fall apart. But there was more than I could see at the moment happening. Like First Responders during a crisis, many pieces were moving by different modes and vehicles to get to the center of catastrophe. Their sacrifice was great, their heart I have hurt, yet moved to get to me before I lost my self.
Today I dislike the word I. Because I, was my drug of choice. Now I’m moving from I to eye, so I can see from other people’s point of view. So I can hear what makes other people’s heart beat.
Where do we go from here? Changing the culture from me to we. We cannot swing from I to I or me to me, but from me to you, and us to them. The most dangerous drug of choice is the selfish mindset of me, myself, and I. Let’s try living by the motto Eye TO Eye than an Eye for an Eye.
Perhaps this may or may not resonate with you, but ask yourself this question:
Am I curious about other people’s religion, interests, philosophies, and/or perspectives?
If you can hear their story, and share your own, we are moving one step closer to a more unified world.
If this Journal inspired you to think, or inspired you in anyway, please share it. Thank you.