Search

Christopher (Turtle) Dumitru

Month

April 2017

Daily Scribe

My life is a pen, my experiences the ink. The world the page, and every day it turns. I write as I live, I write as I breathe, I write when I’m present. 

People plant seeds,  I plant gems. People plant world’s, I plant realms. I desire to inspire greatness. My blood poured out for my craft will bear witness to the glory that God fashioned me in. Let there be light, and there was light. God spoke that in me, He creates new life in me, He gives me words filled with realms. He gives me words filled with Hope. 

2 years later Short Journal – Armor of God spokenword

Stand against the false introduction of our reality 

Thats is sly fully Promoted by our earthly eyes bearing Witness to a

Strong hold of ungodly habits 

Skillfully Served 

On the Foundation 

Of Confusion 

Our First breath breathes in 

The bitter 

Breath 

Of Toxins 

Saturated by the conscious habits 

Of the 

Dead 

Smoking for mind love Ecstasy 

Excessive drinking to find ones true thoughts beyond the haze of reality

Drugs,  the false god of pain-relief

And pornography, 

To replace the face of many partners as we attempt to Bury loneliness

But commit adultery. 

These are razor blades to the soul

Held in the hands of Sin that carves into our members a memory of pain

Again and again

But burys them under healing wounds

Garb your mind with the truth

Love believes the best:

Not to fulfill the lust of wants but the hope in truth

Clothe yourself and your enemies with righteous Thoughts. 

Thoughts that spur the spark of action

Regardless of your bitter emotion.

Christ bore the wrath of God

We so rightly deserve every inch of that cross

But he too

Ate wholly our portion.

Garb your mind with the truth

God holds your life like he holds your breath,

His loving kindness

Cups the whole world and its memories of pain

In his nail pierced hands.

Jesus sowed righteous

to elevate us back to the father

For we were garments of filthy rages

He sowed mercy and forgiveness

For those who have failed to stand for godliness

For those who have failed to stand for justice

For those who have failed to walk the straight and narrow path:

Christ said,

I am the way the truth the life…

For He has not failed to stand before the Father with our sin

In exchange for our soul.

Sometimes we feel like this:

A whirlpool is stirring up all the emptiness inside

As find ourselves caught in its gravity blind, struggling to Escape.

Then a boney finger dips into our soul and

Sucks it dry

With a

Vain glory smile

And it

Feels so good…

Grab hold, grab hold, grab hold of thee…

And in its hands our arteries clenched

Lifting us off our feet.

When it is done, we retreat into the depths of our soul

But no light can be found

So to the shadows we crawl.

Our heartaches

Our Soul morns

Our Voice shakes…

When will I change, when will I learn.

But before our words could penetrate the world

Our beings meet significance…

Shattering our boastful pain…

Where is despair when his

Promises of life and abundance is here

Like a dragon fly gliding in the sky

Whisping through the air

Guided by some whimsical current

Love, it is love.

Corruption riddled in your lungs

innate sinners,

Some choose to exhale corrosive breath,

But why?

Wouldn’t you rather want to spit beauty.

Free will, will ring,

Some use it to pervert and sting,

Yet his mercy will sing: Forgiveness forgiveness,

A sound wave infinite and limitless

His integrity is deathless,

His purpose

To redeem, restore and replenish.
Brothers and Sisters

The life of a Christian soldier is not limitless reclining on flowery beds of ease,

You having obtained the strength must ceaselessly exercise it in the practice of your wills.

For the unstoppable force of seconds

Dehydrated by the easily accessible devices of

Instant carnal gratification

Fools us to dis-empower our stewardship over time,

As life drains through our fingers.

We are captivated by the twilight inside the fifty shades of…

The unknown in side the fifty shades of…

The comfort in Chaos…Stuttering

As our armored Boat hits the sand.

We hear slithering sluggishly the sound of sin

Crawling underneath our fifty shades of carnality.

Sinless, we would have not had repeated Cain slaying able on Normandy.

Powerlessly we enlist as we storm the beaches of our broken father’s and mother’s normality. 
Put on the full armor of God 
Draw the sword of the spirit from our heart. 

Let our words be as swift as the Gospel of peace 

Upon our feet,

Let each step be firm like the belt of truth ’round our waist. 
For what can fiery fear do to our faith doused by living water? 

Lord we have tasted you and you are sweet, 

and the 50 shades of fear, extinguished, by your perfect love. 

The shield of faith our front guard, 

Lord you our rear guard. 

With righteousness before me and living love behind me, 

Who can over come me? 

2 years later Short Journal (4 months old) -… Buy me past temporary

I was in a dark place when I wrote this:

A few days ago I was asking God some hard questions, one of which kept me pounding on his door for a solid hour. “What am I ALLOWED to do with my life?…What am I ALLOWED to do with my life?” I asked again and again until finally he took me to a scripture verse above the Gugyels backdoor, “Seek first the Kingdom.” I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant but I understood that searching for the meaning of my life or even finding permission in whatever resource available to me wouldn’t help me find what I’m allowed to do with my life. God told me to seek first the kingdom. I prayed and God told me… he shifted my perception on that scripture verse. Before I viewed it with a half aloof half near me, understanding. God asked me “when you’re hungry, what do you seek?” I answered, “food,” ” and when you’re thirsty?”, I answered, “water,” The kingdom isn’t something that I wait for to come to me, it is something that is readily available to me as soon as I seek it first. Rather than going to the world for answers, I’ll go to the King.


Seeking first the Kingdom is seeking first the King. I’m thirsty, yet water can temporarily quench my life long thirst. What about my intellectual thirst? The waters of this worlds wisdom will temporarily satisfy but frustrate my desires in the long-term. But the question isn’t what satisfies me forever, because I already know the answer to that question – Jesus. The right question is what am I really searching for? I believe I discovered what that is, and it isn’t what I imagined it would be. My train of thought led me to the conclusion that nothing in this world will ever satisfy my thirst and hunger for my purpose, for intellectual fullness, fruitful work, and happiness. Therefore, what can? That which I’ve been chasing, seeking, hungering and thirsting for led me to ask God that question… what am I allowed to do with my life? which led me to seek the Kingdom, which ultimately led me to see that what I desire in this world has yet to exist. Have I tasted everything this age can manufacture? Not even close but I know that no matter how much money I have I will never be satisfied. Because all the money in the world will never buy me past temporary. My dollar can only purchase the now, and the item refunded will only bring back a dollar that still can only purchase a moment. The dollar I save for the future, is still bound by that moment that has yet to arrive. Therefore my pursuit for more money will not and cannot pull that which I desire closer. So I will go to the King who was and is and is to come. The King who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I will go to the King who in the Old Testament can still do today. Whose hands stretches through the strands of time like strands of hair. There is nothing new under the sun, one might argue, but the voice propelling those words speaks from a before-god perspective. Since my now is with-God, therefore with God there is always something new under His Son. Therefore that which I desire has yet to exist, and because I desire it, and God gives me His desires, it will manifest in my life-time, and in time I will be fully full.

Afterthought

Spiritual Recovery: 

Jesus first 

Wife second

Me third 

Question 1)

What am I allowed to do with my life? 

Steps 1)

Seek first the Kingdom 

Seek the King 

Love my Son 

Question 2) 

There are people with more success and obvious material and spiritual blessings, how do I measure God’s hand on my life? 

——


2 years later Short Journal (4 months old) – Spirit Man’s Heart

Today (four months ago) is one of many days that I have lived without escape. Or so it seems. Escape, from what? is the the question that people dear to me and I dear to them, have been trying to figure out. But I think the question isn’t what am I trying to escape, rather I think the question is what am I trying to discover? Games have been a great way for me to delve into a reality that is unlike the reality around me and mine its lore in thousands of real-time hours, however, there isn’t sustenance there, at the end of the day all I mine are simply cache memories that can never be manifested into reality. Man cannot live on their own wisdom alone. Man cannot live on man alone. Man cannot live on digital life…at all. This life isn’t fulfilled via fulfilling Maslow’s hierarchy, its receiving scriptures reality. And if I can be so human to say, it is the basic principles that man lives within that is observed by Jesus who lived them out perfectly. But the basic principle I’m to understand and live within harmoniously are not the principles without but within… If I’m given reign over all that is on the earth, I’m given reign over all within myself. 

Today is one of many days that are unlike most, for the first few days of my transgression I was expected to submit to expectations or else face the consequences. I’m not escaping, I’m not attempting to bury, rather I’m searching to understand, hoping to find, cuirous to see, earnest to discover from the ruins of myself a new self. But can anything new be found by looking in the past? I think what is new is already, but is buried beneath the ruins of so-called “escape”. A digital reality, a mountain of stone over stone, a tomb for my inner man. If the law of attraction is real, then has my inner man been crying out for freedom? Has his consciousness attracted these consequences that will lead to his freedom? And at the moment of his freedom say, “you have found me?” And will I say, “what do you mean?” And he will respond “your zeal like Paul was there, but misdirected” And I will respond, “my zeal?” And he will say, “your zeal for life, for love, for adventure, your zeal for creativity, for energy, for community, your zeal for strength, for wisdom, for knowledge…” 

My inner man, has been for sometime seized by my un-self-control to outside forces, and more so, the forces, the darkness, that I let in, which I have not seized, which now seize my inner man. 

Who has mined at their hearts for thousands of real-time hours, reaching down to the one reaching up, that they too would for thousands of hours mine at the mountain encasing my heart? All the sessions with people who gave their time to mine at the ruins burying my inner man with the Word of life, are mining not with worn out pickaxes but with the strength of their renewed inner man. My actions speak louder then words, this builds trust, but what they see is not the wrong I commit, or the substance I abuse, but the intrinsic value of my shackled man. They see not the hurt I do but the tears I shed through eyes they can’t see. They with spiritual tunics wipe away real tears. As a preacher once said “connected to every sin is an unmeet need.” 

The beautiful thing about music is that it is felt by the heart, it eases the mind, and lifts up the spirit. That is why I believe that these principles I’m to live harmoniously with have no sway within because my heart is encased within a mountain. The principles I’m to live harmoniously with can be likened to music notes on a music sheet. I can be likened to an instrument. My will the breath I breathe into the trumpet, the fingers I strum the guitar with, the hands that hold the sticks to beat against the drums. However, I am the unskilful musician but, I AM the architect of light, the one who desires to be the conductor of my I am, jealous, yet patient, calling me to be still and know that he is both jealous and patient. He slowly mines, slowly stirs, slowly frees, gently directs, gently motivates, gently removes, and gently plays the instrument that I am. 

———-

An old thought, four months old to be exact. A fossil in the land before rebuke. 

2 year later Short Journal – From I to Eye

I was abused, deceived, and abandoned by someone I thought I knew, though this is not a cry for help for I have received the help I needed and have come to a new chapter in my life, this is a short account of what has happened, and I hope that those of you who resonate with this find hope, encouragement, and strength to face your own battles. 

He was a powerful foe, an adversary like no other, and he nearly ended all that was good in my life. He spoke eloquently of dreams, and character, and life, but after two years he has nothing to show for it. His weapon of choice was his ill will, though unconscious at times of his actions, they were potent, and his eye fixed like a hungry dog muting out reason, he attacked. Impulsive, addicted, scrambling for his next fix, attached to no substance ready to let go of all his commitments to obtain his drug of choice. He was ready to do anything, dangerous, out of character, outside the frame of his mind, thus that was the last straw for those around him. Finally in one stroke he found himself looking in the face of reality, it was all too painful, and it was all too messy. He got very angry, but he was alone, and no one was there to hear his BOUTS OF RAGE, DENIAL, and JUSTIFICATION, for he converted all his resources as tinder to burn every bridge behind him.

 All I could do was watch. The damage was done. My voice,  silent. The help around me was excellent but I needed more than that. I have no physical injuries, only the actions ingrained in their (family, mentors, friend’s) minds were enough to mark me. 

He had set the Standard for failure and he was willing to do anything to obtain it. What a fool, what a mindless animal, I wish I could have stopped him before the damage was done. He can hardly write now, he has lost his passion and his way in the realm of words. But even more so, he marked his head as a target, not to be sought after,  but to be despised. He has killed his character, and by doing so he has killed me. For the greatest enemy I’ve ever faced was myself. And I am deeply burdened by the weight of the consequences of my actions. However, in the midst of the dead marshes there is hope. I was not alone in the fight but I was alone in my world. I was not alone in my struggle but I was in my problem. All that could be done was like helpless onlookers watching the pieces of me fall apart. But there was more than I could see at the moment happening. Like First Responders during a crisis,  many pieces were moving by different modes and vehicles to get to the center of catastrophe. Their sacrifice was great, their heart I have hurt, yet moved to get to me before I lost my self. 

——–

Today I dislike the word I. Because I, was my drug of choice. Now I’m moving from I to eye, so I can see from other people’s point of view. So I can hear what makes other people’s heart beat. 

Where do we go from here? Changing the culture from me to we. We cannot swing from I to I or me to me, but from me to you, and us to them. The most dangerous drug of choice is the selfish mindset of me, myself, and I. Let’s try living by the motto Eye TO Eye than an Eye for an Eye.  

Perhaps this may or may not resonate with you, but ask yourself this question:

Am I curious about other people’s religion, interests, philosophies, and/or perspectives? 

If you can hear their story, and share your own, we are moving one step closer to a more unified world. 

If this Journal inspired you to think, or inspired you in anyway, please share it. Thank you. 

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑